I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
