just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
