the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
