She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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