This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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