WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
