please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize