i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
