I only kidnapped one of them. chill
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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