I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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