I just threw up on my dentist
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
