her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
