I just pynch a tree in the face
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
