I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
