wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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