I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
