Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
