Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
