i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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