Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
