Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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