i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
