didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Watching her eat just hurts me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
