Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
