Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you told grandpa to call you daddy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
