Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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