wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
