Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
