i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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