is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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