:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
