I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize