absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
