I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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