at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
