his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
