So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
