Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
