I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
