My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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