I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
