I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
