I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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