So drunk its hurt
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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