This girl is more easily done than said...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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