so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
