am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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