I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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