Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
