An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize